Haizz... today really a bad day... everything goes well in the morning... but in the late afternoon, things happen... Everything starts when yong started to ask me... Will u mind if i buy wedding gift for my ex? i really dunno how to reply him.. my reply was up to u lor.. then he went offline... i saw his missed call actually.. but i dunno to call back wat can i say? i dunno how to act as if nothing happen... tats y i avoided the call... but still he managed to know something was wrong... i know he wans to know wats wrong wif me.. but then... haizz..
yong: R u alright? Did i said something u dun like?
me: U looking for me ah? Y?
yong: U on ur way to ur class rite? Drive carefully... Go eat something then go for class..
me: I oredi reached liao,u not replying to me so i tot u angry over the wedding gift thing i told u juz now. Guess u r not.
me: Go n get prepared for ur class...
yong: Maybe i too sensitive but i feel u behave funny funny one. Pls tell me wat did i do wrong if there is any can? Not good to feel hanging in suspend.
me: Nah.. i m alright... After some thoughts i be fine... Not to worry...
yong: i tink u r really dwelling too much,its juz a gift.. i am not even going to meet her at all too. Tink u r not being fair to me,when u went out for dinner wif one of yr ex i oso never say anything. If there is still some doubts from u abt our r/s,Pls dun hesitate to clear them up wif me asap.
me: i think its my own problem... To me, the gift isn't the issue... its ur heart.. I be alright, just tat i hate the feeling i have now oso.. But i m really alright le... But for ur info, me left my ex is becos there's no more feelings n i chose to leave... The feelings is zero n only frens...
yong: For yr information,i oso have no more feelings for my ex too. Moreover she going to get married liao,so i dun noe wat r u really worry abt.
me: Nvm... i know its my own prob... U dun have to be bothered by it.. Dun feel like talking abt it liao....
yong: Fine,dun tok abt it then dun tok abt it. I really love u only n if u dun believe it then dun believe.
me: I m sorry for all... Actually i m alright one lah.. Just tat sometimes heart dun feel good...
yong: Glad to hear tat,lets not tok abt it anymore. Later no changes? Go yr hse sayang u tonite ok?
M i really alrite now? seriously, i dunno... maybe yes maybe no... maybe gals dun speak the truth from the heart..
wat i feel: i m feeling insecured... maybe being bluff n hurt too much in the past tat i have tis phobia now.. i know i m being unfair to him but then, i really feel unsecured...
how i feel: i feel tat i mind cos i care... if he's somebody i dun care at all, i wont be bothered at all... last time in my previous r/s, i wont bother so much.. last time my ex always will ask me y u wont feel jealous one? there's only one ans... cos i dun love them as much... wat is correct n wat is wrong? if i totally wont mind means i dun care at all... but if i mind, i m consider those petty type of gals who will be possessive n jealous... so wat m i? i dunno... i wish to be myself too... i wish to be generous too.. but i know i cant... cos inside my heart, i dun feel good... but wat can i do? to tell u the truth how i feel? or not? i oso dunno... both have impacts... i do believe one thing... i love u tats y i mind...
maybe i shouldnt be like tat... maybe i shouldnt be too close to u n meet u everyday... i kind of depending on u too much... m i wrong again? i been trying so hard... perhaps one day i can really close one eye n be a generous gal... but is there still happiness? Argh... i dunno... its so vexing.. does he knows how hard i tried not to think so much? once, i was tidying his room, i saw the basket of album, i took out one album, i saw photos of him n his ex, i closed back n pushed back the basket... i dun wan to see... i know the more i see, the more i will think.. but y is it everybody gave me such feelings tat he actually love his ex more than me? i hate tis feeling... i dun wished to be compared... i dun wish to compare it myself oso... but do i have a choice??? i dunno... maybe time is the only thing to solve all tis problems... cos only time can proved... i hope not to push him do anything or wat... i dun even wan him to promise me anything... i wan everything he did it willingly... i wont wan to force him to do anything... i just wan his love, care n concern...
another bad thing... today after work, i call my mum... she told me my dad left... he left a letter for her n left... he wont come back... wats happenning... i really going to break down soon... all along, i dun wish to comment much... but y? y did he left so heartlessly? i wan back my happy family in the past... since young, he dote on me most... but y... y tis time, he is so heartless... just left n doesnt wan us anymore? y? wat is going to happen next? wat will my mum do? wat will my bro do? wats going to happen to us?? y does everything happen so fast? a few months n everything turns out tis way... i hate year 2005...