My Piggy Life

Sunday, April 16, 2006

::The truth in my relationship::

i had an interesting mahjiong session last nite wif cat, shangjuan n karen... chat n joke the whole nite out.... so long nvr have such a session le.. really enjoy the fun... haha... the only sole winner is shangjuan... she keep zi mo n tiao zhing... i think overall she win $43.50, i lose $6.50, karen lose $7 n cat lose $30... haha... we play for almost 9 to 10 hours n we only play 3 porks... the guys must have feel we play really very slow... but no leh... cos keep tiao zhing mah... keke.. anyway dun wan to explain so much liao.... when back home, i have a serious soar throat n flu... haizz... after enjoy must suffer wif all tis... i call yong after my mahjiong session... think wat reply i got from him? ok lor... u go home lor... ok lor fine lor... i go home... then he call again saying kang driving his car back to yishun then he will come my house n ask me to wait for him to be back.. but i didnt wait lah... i really feeling xinku liao...

Back home, i really had very bad feelings... i wondering am i demanding too much from my relationship? when i see all my frens around me had such a loving bf, i really so envy.... just like how weiquan treated cat... he dote on her so much can do watever things for her.... then how qingfeng treat shangjuan... every bf is so loving... but how come my bf cannot be as loving as them? i wasnt feeling well last nite, so when he's back, he went to bath n i was lying on my bed... but he didnt came to me first.. he still continue wif his msn wif his frens... wat am i to him? his frens are forever more impt than me... i do appreciate tat u still massage for me later on... but the sadness is already there... cos it shows me ur frens are still more impt than me... if its the normal me, ok, i might be unreasonable... but i m not feeling well lor, y cant i be attend to first? y is it i always have to snatch the position in ur heart wif all ur frens? is a relationship suppose to be like tis? is it u really dun care for me or i just cant feel u care? i know u still do ur part as a bf n came to massage for me... but tats is after u finish ur msn... after u finish ur talking wif ur frens.. but i m sick, y cant i be attended to first? y cant u put me in ur priorities first? Am i always the least important person in ur life? thought i m suppose to be the one sharing everything wif u? Are we on the wrong track to our relationship?

Everyone will tell me actually going wild going pubs is nothing wrong if he nvr do anything bad behind.. yup... i totally agree wif u.. going pubs going wild, there is nothing wrong... i been thinking wat is wrong wif me? i m not a gal who mind bf going pubs... but y suddenly i become like tat? Y is it when yong always wan go drink wif zhenyu, i m unhappy oso? Why why why? i been asking myself tis question... i got an answer... cos i dun feel being loved enough! Tis is the answer... i hate tis feeling... so perhaps tis is one of the reason y i m find so much so much excuses to hate wild... but wat is actually wrong wif me? to me, he cares too much of wat his frens think of him.... he wanted to be in their group... ya, tis is not wrong at all... everyone wan frens... i wan my frens too... but his group of frens are all single n have so much so much time... they can sit at coffeeshop for few hours.. can go wild almost every nite.... they really have lots n lots of time to spare... yong is not like him... he had to spend his time working irregular hours... study: go class almost 3 or 4 times a week... plus he still need to self study for his exam... he already so busy wif all his activities... already no time for me... n yet i still need to share his time wif all his frens... yes, he did sleep at my house almost every nite... but does anyone knows? when he's back home, he just too shacked already n can go to bed very early... he is just sleeping n is tis consider accompanying me??? if tis is call accompanying me, i rather he go home... i rather he feels tat he really dun have much time for me... the problem is he always didnt realise the problem.. he always feel its not a problem... i dunno wat i should do? i been thinking should i just go on enduring all tis or should i put a stop to all tis? everyone is thinking y i dun speak to him? the problem is he doesnt even feel tis is a problem right from the start... how should i speak to him? Am i demanding too much? i guess maybe i m demanding too much but maybe i m too used to have doting bf... i m too used to have bf who give in to me in everything i say... but which gal doesnt wan to be loved? i m such a gal too... i wan a doting bf, i wan somebody to share happiness n sow wif me... i been thinking he cant give me all tis is it becos of his busy sheldules due to work n study tat is y he has no time for me? Do i have the patience to wait till end of the year for him to finish his studies? i really dunno my patience level till where... sometimes i been thinking is it i gave him the wrong impression when we start to know each other, i m like a gal wif lots n lots of patience... a very sui bian gal whereby can follow his activities, his time, have the patience not to grumble... Seriously, if he think tis way, then its really wrong... cos i m not like tis... indeed i m trying to give in, but not all of the time, i m the one giving in... i learnt from my past mistakes by being too spoilt in the past... i wan wat means wat.... i know tat is wrong so i m trying not to repeat my same old mistakes... so i changed... but now, i feel tat i m the one giving in to all his timing... i m only the one compromising.. but not him... i m feeling tired... i m just like any gal on the road, i wan a loving bf who can take care of me... which gal doesnt wan to be loved? i do believe every gal needs it... Sometimes i been wondering is it u had preferred the life of being single when u can have lots n lots of time wif ur frens... Are u not ready for realtionship? perhaps u r really not ready, cos u still wan lots of time n fun wif ur frens... a man who really wan to settle down wouldnt behave tis way... u have been showing me tat u still wan lots of fun... perhaps i m wrong u might have to say... but come to think of it... if like wat u say, long ago, u r already not a part in their team... if u doesnt wan fun... u wouldnt have say tis.... cos u r saying tis meaning u r hoping to be part of their team again... n u r trying hard... anyway u wont understand tis... i can see how hard u try to be in their group... am i wrong to have interfere ur life wif ur frens? Am i the stone in between u n ur frens? Am i creating too much troubles for u in ur life? perhaps without me, u will feel better.... cos no one will be restricting u drinking, go pubs, mix around wif ur frens... u will have lots of time to ur own activities, n u wont feel left out... u can do watever u like cos u doesnt have to account to anybody or anything...

i m envying all my frens who are on the road to marriage... creating their own home... they all have the chance to choose their own flat, design their own house... but i have nothing or i should say i have no say in all tis... i really hope to have a bf tat can listen to my inner heart... listen to wat i really wan n need...

I only have 2 choices... Either to continue to test my own patience tat is to give in n wait for a miracle to happen... Or i should have ended tis miseries... i dunno wat will be my decision... cos it still depends on how much i have love tis guy... cos patience still matters...

piggy me posted at

11:29 AM